OUR LOVE STORY WITH WOMEN’S PAIN
The year is 2020, it’s Mother’s Day and Michael prepares to write an epistle for his mum on social media. He begins to type these words on social media “Happy Mother’s Day mummy, thank you for being strong. I would never forget your fatigue and exhaustion when I fell sick. Thank you for being the chief cook, counselor, cheerleader. Thank you for working and holding the family down. Thank you for supporting and loving dad and us unconditionally. You are a superwoman.” He uploads the message accompanied by the picture below
You are probably wondering what is wrong with what he said, well I would let you know. He was glorifying suffering. There is nothing cute or admirable about an overworked woman. Oya chill let me give you a better example what are the lyrics to sweet mother?
Sweet mother I no go forget you
For dey suffer we you suffer for me yeah [2x]
When i dey crry my mother go carry me
She go say my pikin wetin you dey cry yeah yeah
Stop stop! stop stop!! stop stop!!!
Make you no cry again oo
When i wan sleep my mother go pet me
She go lie me well-well for bed
She go cover me cloth say make you sleep
Sleep sleep my pikin oooo
When i dey hungry my mom go run up and down
She dey find me somthing we i go chop
Sweet mother eeeeee..sweet mother oooo..eee
When i dey sick my mother go cry cry cry
She go say instead wey i go die make she die
She go beg God, God help me, God help me, my pikin oo
If i no sleep, my mother no go sleep
If i no chop, my mother no go chop
She no dey tire ooo
Sweet mother i no go forget dey suffer wey you…
This man just told us in the song above that his mother is sweet because of all the suffering she had to do. She isn’t sweet because she is because she is kind, funny attentive and all other good adjectives but because she is preserved through the suffering. Don’t get me wrong, I understand sacrifices need to be done in some cases but we have made a walk of fame for our mothers based solely on endurance. This glamorization of suffering doesn’t only apply to mothers, also applies to wives or intending wives. The concept of wife material is majorly based on how much you can perform/ how much you can endure.
#wifematerial is woman who would be considered perfect enough for marriage, this in itself isn’t the problem if it was just this simple. The wife material has to check of “fulfilling wifely duties” checklist. What does that entail you ask? Well things like can she cook? Can she clean? Can she make sure her husband is always happy? Can she meet (and sometimes pass) his emotional and sexual needs?
As she does these things, she is supposed to always maintain her appearance, never be sloppy, be independent and never complain. Her job is to continually massage the man’s ego because he has to feel like the “man of the house”, which is odd because he is literally the man of the house 🙄 😐 . Her job is to reach for marriage, nothing more, nothing less.
Am I saying we should discard the wife material so that women can be useless? NO.
I am saying we should stop tying rewards to suffering. A woman’s goodness or worthiness should be tied to if she can stay with a cheating partner or an emotionally unavailable partner. We should stop placing prizes on women’s pain.It is very possible to acknowledge a woman as a good wife or mother without tying it to her overworking or struggling on a thin rope. Even on International women’s day, you see epistles about how women were “strong” mothers and “good”wives. We don’t often see women as women, only mothers, sisters, wives but not women. There has to be a break up in our love story with women’s pain.
SIDE NOTE: In this Coronavirus period don’t forget to
1 wash your hands,
2 practice social distancing in essence don’t go out if you do not need to,
3 Avoid touching your face, wear face mask and
4 If you show any symptoms , reach out to the NCDC and other relevant authorities.