It’s that time of the year when the cooking conversation comes up. Initially, I used to get tired of these types of conversations but after seeing the hot takes I think it’s necessary we have these conversations. 

First things first, grown men are threatening their hypothetical wives who they are going to vow to love for better for worse with cheating on their female domestic staff. The same men that clamor for ‘head of the house’ are saying food would make them break marital vows? 🙄  What? Lmao. Let us also note that the average house girl is below 18, so are grown men admitting to be predators? Okay, imagine they aren’t even underage it’s clearly an abuse of power, like where is the opportunity for the woman to say no to her oga?

 By the way cooking doesn’t even guarantee a lack of infidelity. Older generations of men were basically cheating on the “good women”. Women cooked, were ‘submissive’, were wife material but were largely rewarded with infidelity. 

Another thing that is usually said is women are letting go of gender roles but want to enjoy its privileges and there so many things wrong in the statement.

One, the gender roles in society were created by men because of they benefit men. The only reason why men became sole financial providers is because money is equal to power. The more money you have, the more control you have. We should also note that women have actually always been providing, it just hasn’t been financial. How you may ask? Cooking, cleaning, washing, nursing and nurturing kids, emotional and spiritual support are all provision that women have been doing for ages.

If you think otherwise, imagine removing a woman from the equation and having to pay for feeding, cleaning, washing, nursing and nurturing kids, therapy and for a pastor, does that sound expensive? I think we can all agree that women haven’t just be laying down and watching the men ‘provide’. Lest we forget the cases where women are the sole breadwinners but have to be ‘humble and submissive’ and ‘cover the husband’s shame’. 

Also, this idea actually proves that the ‘for better for worse’ statement is currently a myth for women. It’s a fact that men are (6 to 7)x  more likely to leave their wife if she is diagnosed with a terminal illness like cancer etc because she doesn’t get to perform her gender roles. A woman is more likely to lean on her family while a man is more likely to lean on his wife. This whole situation actually starts from an early age where girls are told you are not allowed to fall sick because “who would take care of the family when you are sick?”.

 This actually cuts across every area of life that’s why Papoose said “When my wife became incarcerated, every time I went to visit her, the visiting floors were empty but when I go to visit my homies, the visiting floor was crowded full of females”. Women were automatically expected to be ride or die but men are largely excused from doing this. 

If you are wondering why women are so passionate about this, it’s because  

1 Money doesn’t necessarily stop nonsense in these cases, we have middle class women that still have to go through the stress of working and still conforming. There are cases where women can’t travel to further their careers because who would take care of the house? 


2 A whole first lady who is actually more articulate than the president himself was basically told she belongs to the “other room” and nothing was done about it. The president literally reduced this woman to belonging in the kitchen and everyone just took it like that.

3 When a man cooks, he isn’t helping out with the chores same way a woman contributing financially isn’t her helping out with the finances 

4 We,as a society have grown to outsource male roles eg historically men used to build their houses themselves but we currently employ bricklayers etc and their masculinity isn’t questioned when they do this. The problem only comes when a woman outsources eg how can you use washing machine? you are lazy or how can you get someone to cook for you as a woman? The moment a woman doesn’t conform to gender roles she is automatically not woman enough.

5 Many women have had to choose keeping their home catered in exchange for their personal and professional progress.

The unwillingness to compromise on this cooking matter just proves how the society is constantly feeling entitled to female labour.

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The Author



Hello people of the internet. My name is Ekisola Iretomiwa. I am a young lady still growing. I have a billion scars because I showed up for this thing called life. (I am literally quoting my fake therapist   ). I hope you enjoy the roller coaster that is my mind.


  1. Samihah
    February 23, 2020 at 6:14 pm — Reply

    The continuous talk about domestic labour by men and society and women’s supposed “wokeness” is just because of the fear of them losing female labour,i mean how will their weak self survive….

    Very lovely write up sis🙌🏽

    • Iretomiwa
      February 25, 2020 at 8:26 am — Reply

      I am glad you enjoyed reading it

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